Rare Jewels

            Do you ever meet those people who you consider rare jewels in life? They are so rare and so special that you could probably count them on one hand. They have no idea just how instrumental they are in your life or the special little place you have reserved for them in your heart.
           Do you ever meet those people who you consider rare jewels in life? They are so rare and so special that you could probably count them on one hand. They have no idea just how instrumental they are in your life or the special little place you have reserved for them in your heart. Sometimes, you are even scared to tell them just how wonderful and special they are for fear that you will scare them away.

            Let’s face it; it’s difficult when people think highly of you. Somehow, it tends to place an added pressure on you for fear of letting that person down. You feel like you constantly need to try to be perfect or as perfect as you can possibly be. And, then somehow, you feel distressed when you think you have let them down. They don’t even have to say it; you just feel it.

            As I think about this, I realize one of the things that make these individuals the rare jewels that they are is the lack of judgmental notions and condescending actions when they disagree with your current circumstance. No matter what, they have the ability to listen, console, and provide guidance, no questions asked. They don’t blow smoke up your butt and try to make you feel good by telling you what you want to hear. No—they tell you the truth and that, in and of itself, is rare.

            I’m so very thankful and blessed that I have a handful of rare jewels to turn to in my life. Just when I find myself on a new endeavor, the Lord provides a new jewel that is skilled at that task. It’s interesting to note that along with finding those rare jewels, there are times that others consider you their rare jewel, and it’s equally scary. But, at the same time, it’s rewarding and invigorating to know that someone relies on you for the wisdom you have achieved in life. They desire nothing physical from you except for your heart; sometimes, that is the hardest thing to give. But it’s the most rewarding and awe inspiring feeling outside of the love of God.

            In closing…have you thought about the rare jewels in your life of late? Have you thanked them for who they are and what they mean to you? Have you reached out and said I love you? Or, have you told them I am honored to call you friend? Have you taken the time to consider how you could be a rare jewel in someone else’s life? God bless and have a great day!

Sometimes, you are even scared to tell them just how wonderful and special they are for fear that you will scare them.

            Let’s face it; it’s difficult when people think highly of you. Somehow, it tends to place an added pressure on you for fear of letting that person down. You feel like you constantly need to try and be perfect, or as perfect as you possibly can be. And then somehow, you feel distressed when you think you have let them down. They don’t even have to say it, you just feel it.

            As I think about this, I realize one of the things that make these individuals the rare jewels that they are is the lack of judgmental notions and condescending actions when they disagree with your current circumstance. No matter what, they have the ability to listen, console, and provide guidance, no questions asked. They don’t blow smoke up your butt and try to make you feel good by telling you what you want to hear. No, they tell you the truth and that in and of itself is rare.

            I’m so very thankful and blessed that I have a handful of rare jewels to turn to in my life. Just when I find myself on a new endeavor, the Lord provides a new jewel that is skilled at that task. It’s interesting to note that along with finding those rare jewels, there are times that others consider you their rare jewel, and it’s equally scary. But, at the same time, it’s rewarding and invigorating to know that someone relies on you for the sheer presence of your company. They desire nothing physical from you except for your heart; sometimes, that is the hardest thing to give. But, it’s the most rewarding and awe inspiring feeling outside of the love of God.

            In closing…have you thought about the rare jewels in your life of late? Have you thanked them for who they are and what they mean to you? Have you reached out and said I love you? Or, have you told them I am honored to call you friend? Have you taken the time to consider how you could be a rare jewel in someone else’s life? God bless and have a great day :)

Smile! God Loves You!

            Conflict—a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands.  I despise conflict with a passion. Some would have you believe that I enjoy it. However, those who truly pay attention will realize that I am saddened, disturbed, or knocked off kilter by the said conflict. Sometimes, even conflicts of minute proportions can be disturbing, especially if the misunderstanding is with someone you trust, value, and respect.

            I’ve realized, as of late, that the actual conflicts that I incur bother me more so now than they ever have. Maybe that’s because my conscience has changed over the last several years. Since I was a person who was used to being a resilient shell, but cocooned within fragility that none ever knew, I denied certain feelings or thoughts in public. However, I somehow no longer feel the need to hide. I feel a sense of burdening when said instances occur now with a need to try and clear up the misunderstanding as soon as possible because, frankly, I find the conflict stressing.

            It’s funny, as I think about this, and at the same time saddening. As I look upon the days of old, I find it ironic that for a person who despises conflict, I was in the military for as long as I was. I find that period to be the most conflictual of my adult life. Many years were spent in conflict, and dare I say, despite the adrenaline rushes of deployments, the rest was of a depressive state that I denied being in all that time. I try to think back to how many times I laughed over the last 13 years, and, frankly, I don’t recall it being many. Actually, a smile or laughter wasn’t common unless you saw an alcoholic beverage pass my lips.

            Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all pain and misery. There were those few individuals who made life worth living and enjoyable. But, sometimes, that would only last while being in the presence of their company. I find not only was I in a depressive state trying to appear happy, but I was also someone who was bitter, disgruntled, sarcastic, and constantly negative. Yes, for those of you shaking your heads (cause there’s a few of you I can already see doing it), that was me.

            People ask me all the time, do you regret getting out of the military? I tell them, “No! I miss the deployments, but that’s about it.” I realize that I miss those deployments so much because those were the happiest times of my career. There was less stress and bureaucracy and more camaraderie and team work. Those were the days of sitting out on the stoop talking for hours, cutting up, and de-stressing after a hard day; chilling in the evening, playing a game of make-shift chess, listening to Dido bellow out some tunes as we drank grape Kool-Aid and ate starbursts; falling in love under a brazen lit desert sky, and finally realizing that yes, love is possible, and it’s possible for me. It seemed all things were possible when deployed. But, then, reality seemed to rear its ugly head and seep in upon my arrival at home. It appeared that for a flicker of a moment, the fairytale was possible, and then I woke up from the fog of happiness with bitterness and disdain back in my heart.

            Surprisingly, I find that difficult to write. Seems none of us ever want to admit our misgivings or shortcomings. We would like to think that we are perfect on most days and only slightly flawless on others. But how dare we speak of bitterness, unhappiness, disdain, or depression? That’s admitting that we have a crack in the veneer, and now others will see right through us. But, I realize, I would rather someone see through me to my soul than to see me as soul-less, which is how I perceive myself to have been all those years.

            Looking back, I realize life changed that day in May of 2003 where I fell to my knees begging God to come into my life. But not enough changed. Because although He did come into my life, I wasn’t strong enough to follow the road map He laid out for me. Before long, I found myself in equally similar circumstances as before, although not to the dark degree I once was. It took another 6 ½ years before He finally called me home, not just where I reside, but the home He had waiting for me—for this is where He deemed I was needed, deemed I would thrive. He knew exactly what I had in store over the next several years and placed the right people in my path to make all the difference, and, for that, I will be eternally grateful. It took another 9 months before I finally gave Him the reigns of my life and said, “Your will be done Father.” It’s funny how the conflict that rose over that decision seems inconsequential now. Knowing what I do now, I can’t believe I ever faltered or struggled with the decision.

            The burdens, the depression, the disdain, and the bitterness, gone—just like that. I think back now and wonder, “What took me so long?” Oh the time I wasted. It’s as if there is so much to make up for now. I want to tell every one of His love and how He changed my life. People do look at me strangely sometimes, but I find I no longer care about what others think or how they look at me where the Lord is concerned. I do care about misunderstandings and the conflicts that arise from such, but I’ll never care at how crazy anyone looks at me for expressing my love for the Lord.

As I write this, I find myself smiling. Actually, I find myself laughing and smiling all the time these days, especially when I’m around people who do the same. But, as I sit here, I wonder, what are the conflicts in your life that keep you pinned down in the bowels of despair? What bitterness and disdain do you hold in your heart as a crutch to build off of? When’s the last time you laughed or smiled for absolutely no reason? Or for a reason? Well, if you need a reason, here’s the greatest one of all, and I find I use it frequently. Smile! God Loves You! God bless and have a wonderful day!

I Will

It’s been quite some time since I have blogged and it feels oddly strange to be doing so now. Seems there are times when the weight of the world is on our shoulders, and we find ourselves lacking in the enjoyments of life. Don’t get me wrong, when I say enjoyments, I mean more so visiting more with people, cutting up with others, maybe watching a little television from time to time, finding more time to read my Bible, and more time to do things around the house rather than constantly studying. With school starting this semester, I find myself studying more than last as my classes are harder than they were before. I imagine each semester will eventually get harder, especially since I will be taking more credits in an effort to finish school sooner. I haven’t lacked in writing, for I have been doing that a lot lately, just not necessarily blog material.

            Of late, I find myself reflecting on things, and sometimes, wishing I could write myself a different story. I find that with the writing and the psychology class I’m currently in, along with my increasing knowledge of the Lord, there has been a lot of introspection this semester. There are things in life I believe we all wish we never did. Some of us though, still proud that we made poor choices, followed with never-ending excuses as to why we made said choices. Some will be destined to never learn from their mistakes and continue to press on making the same ones. I wonder—will they ever learn?

            I find as I struggle with my own identity, I become increasingly less concerned about the whiners of society. That may sound wrong, maybe even partially out of place for me, but, the longer we coddle some, the more we enable them to require coddling. You can only do so much for certain people before you say enough is enough because they refuse to do for themselves. There comes an age where we must say, “You are now an adult, act like one.”

            I’m constantly surprised at the lack of intelligence that erupts from college campuses. The persistent four letter words that seep out of their mouths, the number of sexual partners they’ve had, who they had over the weekend and so on. I mean really, is there no decorum? No sense of pride in oneself? To them, their actions somehow make them an adult. Is that what we strive for—the insistent denigration of oneself, all at the idea of appearing cool. This concept baffles me. It’s as though these things are done in order to feel like someone of importance. If this is the case, we are in more trouble as a society than we thought.

            I’m troubled at these ramblings. I wonder if it is too late for most of these young minds, or is it possible for us to reach them before it’s too late. The fact that so many of them don’t truly know Christ is heart-breaking. I say this because if they did truly know Him, I wouldn’t be writing this. One day, they will be convicted to change their ways. But I wonder, when will that day come? People are so busy living a life of sin that they believe is rewarding and hoarding those things that they think everyone wants, and in turn, they are forgetting about the ultimate prize—life everlasting with our one and only Savior.

            It burdens me the way some have no shame in blaming the Lord for their misfortunes in life. It’s equally concerning that said people have little, if no difficulty denying the sinful act that landed them in their present circumstance. I find this current generation to be increasingly decisive in the fact that somehow society owes them something and that work is no longer a requirement for success. Everything must be handed to them, and it must be done NOW!

            Wow! If we could have that sense of urgency where the Lord is concerned, life would be so much better. It saddens me to note that there are those who will get the message too late. Some will pick it up and discard it for the uncool nature that they deem it to be. Others will ponder it, and still turn away for the peer pressure they must succumb to, because heaven forbid, they have a mind of their own. And then, there will be those who rise above the ashes and say “I Will.” I will stand for God and all His glory regardless of what others say or think, good or bad. So I wonder—what will you do when the time comes?