Somewhere In The Middle

          Traveling through East Texas, I’m reminded of a time when I was stationed in Oklahoma. It was my first official duty station and the first time I had lived on my own. That period of my life was a time shortly after I had reconnected with my birth father. Being that my parents divorced when I was 8 months old, I only saw him on occasion growing up. He was one that you could easily call a dead beat—and truth be told—he could be called a lot of other things as well. If I were the person of old, I would probably name a few of those things—but I won’t—so you’ll just have to use your imagination.

          When I was younger and he surfaced, it wasn’t because he wanted a relationship with his children, but more so because he wanted to rekindle his romance with my mother. We told him that we realized that that was the purpose of his visits, and he quickly faded from the scene. When I was 18, I decided that maybe I should look for him. I figured one day that I would have children and I would want them to know their biological grandfather. So, I went out and found him. I tried to connect with him on so many levels, but to date, the only thing we can agree on is the weather.

          I recall after joining the military that I used to travel to the Shreveport area on multiple occasions to visit him and his new wife. I yearned to have a father in my life and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could finally have that. On numerous occasions I invited them to visit. Phone conversations usually ended with him saying, “Come see me.” One day, I finally ended with, “you know Dad, the road goes both ways.” His response, “Oklahoma is too flat.”

          I found this response shocking to say the least. As someone who’s lived in Oklahoma, I find it anything but flat. I loved going hiking in the Turner Falls, Sulphur area as well as the Wichita Mountains. I found the rolling hills and rock formations lining I-35—breathtaking. Driving through East Texas, the rolling hills pop out at me and I smile, but I’m also saddened.

          I surmise that the rolling hills of Oklahoma are similar to those of East Texas, but yet, he lived in East Texas for many years without complaint. But to come and visit his daughter, well, that was too much. It’s been about 4 ½ years since I’ve spoken to my father, and looking back, I wonder how a father puts conditions on the relationship he has with his child.

          Pondering this, I wonder how life would be if our heavenly Father put conditions on our relationship with Him as well. You see, in the beginning, He comes to us. He helps us, He’s there for us, He listens to us, He protects us, He is whatever you need Him to be, when you need Him to be it. It’s only after a time that He has conditions per se. Initially, He allows us to know the beauty that He has in store for us. However, after some time, things begin to change. He will not continue to be there for us if we do not learn from our mistakes and change our ways. We can’t expect Him to bless us if we don’t first bless Him by accepting Jesus Christ as our one and only Savior.

          As humans, we are used to buying a product and then using it. Same can be said for relationships. We try on relationships just like we try on clothes. If we don’t like it, we return it, throw it away, or give it away. With God, He allows us to first try on His love. Most who truly understand the importance of this will continue on to have an everlasting relationship with God. However, there are those who will push away, who will rebel because of what makes them uncomfortable. Whether it is a relationship with a family member or with God, we have decisions to make. Just like it is difficult to have a one-way relationship with a family member, it is also difficult for God to have a one-way relationship with us.

          Just like the landscaping of rolling hills, our relationship with God will have peaks and valleys, but the greatest thing about our relationship with God is that so long as you refuse to sever ties with Him, the road will always go both ways and He’ll always be there when you need Him. That’s more than I can say for my earthly father.

          I wonder, what peaks and valleys prevent you from having an everlasting relationship with God? What holds you back? What demons do you refuse to let go of? What obstacles do you believe God is unable to conquer? I surmise that if you find the answer to these questions—somewhere in the middle—you’ll find God. God Bless!