Jose

     The other day I stumbled upon an old photo album.  As I’m perusing the photos, besides the aforementioned ex, I start to notice a recurring theme with my pictures.  I realize that in all of them, I am completely and totally drunk.  As I start to reflect back on that time of my life, I start to think about why I stayed drunk so much.  I recall asking my friends, why do you drink? The standard answer was, "I drink to get drunk."  I used to tell everyone that wasn’t my goal; it was more to have a good time.  So I asked myself the question, why did you drink? 

     The answer now is the same as the answer I only told myself back then.  I drank to numb the pain.  So many nights I wasn’t sure exactly who was my best friend?   Was it Johnny, Jack, Jim, or Jose?  Ohhhhh, I think it was Jose, straight up with a little salt and a lemon.  Yep, he was my friend.  He helped me get to the numbness really quick.  Over time, I started to realize that when I woke up in the morning, I felt worse than I did the night before.  Not only was the pain back and intensified, but I also had a massive headache and hangover.  As I finally got to a point in my life that I no longer required Jose as my crutch, not only did I lose him, but I lost a lot of my drinking “buddies."  I use the term buddies loosely, because really, if they were my friends, they would have stuck around when I changed and decided I no longer needed the alcohol. 

     I look back on that life and I’m not ashamed of the time I spent in the bottle because I know that it was events in my life beyond my control that caused me to seek comfort there.  What I am ashamed of is how long it took me to realize that the bottle couldn’t fix my problems.  It took me so long to release myself from the burdens and chains and bondage that I wrapped myself up in because of not wanting to deal with the pain.  I now understand that man caused my pain, not God.  God doesn’t cause our burdens, but He does want to take them from us and He will, if we ask Him to.

     I never realized back then that the Holy Spirit ministers to us to allow us to realize we need Jesus in our lives. It is through this ministering and understanding that we change our lives and become saved.  I’m not going to say life is perfect now that I’ve stepped out of the shadow of the bottle.  Lord knows, the devil fights me now more than ever.  You see, before he had me and there was no struggle.  Before, it was the Lord I struggled with.  Now that I’m not on the devils team, he fights me at every turn because he knows that he has lost me.  Now that I’ve stepped out of the shadows I am no longer scared to walk the beach terrified that as my footprints disappear, so will I.  I am no longer consumed with disappearing into the bottle, but more so walking in the glory of the Son.